Sunday, March 29, 2009

Balls and Running

Bruce: Great topic choice, are you we talking about your lack thereof today?
Tom: No, I was referring to the Law School Ball I went to last night.
Bruce: Date?
Tom: Lets stick to running. The point was that I was out late and exhausted all day. However, when I was out on my 22 minute run I felt great.
Bruce: When are you going to do a real run?
Tom: I am going to bump things up to 30 minutes runs by the end of the week.
Bruce: You still have not answered my question.
Tom: Patience.

Friday, March 27, 2009

Optimistic run

Tom: I had another good 22 minute run today. I am one run away from achieving the initial goal.
Bruce: Running more miles in a week than the number of fingers on one hand?
Tom: No, I am close to two hands anyways. My goal was to make it through my first week back at Cornell without any hiccups.
Bruce: Exciting times, so any big plans? A late spring Marathon?
Tom: Funny, no, I am just in a positive state of mind about my health.
Bruce: That makes two of us that are positive.
Tom: What are you positive about?
Bruce: I am positive your good mood will not last.
Tom: That was horrible.
Bruce: Agreed.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Bottles and Models

Tom: I felt great on a 21 minute run today after having a big lifting session the day before.
Bruce: Big lifting session, seems unlikely. Remind me again what the heavily assisted pullup regimen is supposed to accomplish?
Tom: I am trying to slowly alter my body composition so as to make me more solid and thereby less prone to injury.
Bruce: How many times a day would you guess that you flex in the mirror to see whether you look muscular?
Tom: That is a ridiculous question.
Bruce: 3 times a day.
Tom: 2 times at most, sometimes only 1. There is a small part of me that is lifting to get ready for my future bottles and models lifestyle.
Bruce: Bottles and models lifestyle? Will that year coincide with the year that you run a 13:00 5k.
Tom: They seem a bit mutually exclusive.
Bruce: I think they would be better defined as mutually delusional. But I guess you never know, a 20 minute run and a 60 pound pullup, the start of two dreams destined for...
Tom: Alright, you are done.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Back to Bruce

Bruce: You are back.
Tom: I never thought I would hear those words from you.
Bruce: Do not get too excited, you still are the worst runner ever.
Tom: So I had my first 20+ minute run in Ithaca in over a month today.
Bruce: My answer above additionally covers my response to this comment as well.
Tom: Good to have you back.
Bruce: Wait, that is it? This post lacks a punch line.
Tom: I am tired and finding it hard to get up for this at the moment.
Bruce: That is what she said.

Friday, March 20, 2009

The rising

Tom (On phone): Hey, you are live on my blog. Good buzz right now as the health is improving.
Bruce: Tom? Is that you?
Tom: Bruce? I thought I dialed Jilane?
Bruce: Yeah she left my place this morning without her phone.
Tom: What? Listen this is your week off, let me try someone else.
(Tom Dialing)
Tom: Joe, what is going on? You are live on the blog.
Joe: Blog? Is it like your old blog?
Tom: Yeah, just less running.
Joe: So what is the point?
Tom: Well, I am still figuring it out. We are follow the Facebook method, first get good content, then get a subscribership, and then worry about having a bottom line.
Joe: How is that going?
Tom: Well I ran 28 minutes today and my brother's neighbor put a security network on his wireless network so we have still not yet had a hit today.
Tom: Hello? Joe?

Thursday, March 19, 2009


Jilane: Jordan, have you told Tom yet you dumped him?
Jordan: I've been avoiding his calls. I don't return his e-mails. He'll catch on.
Jilane: Yeah, I guess he's used to that sort of treatment by now.
Jordan: Speaking of treatment, how's that fungal infection going?
Jilane: Totally cleared up. Tom had some great first-hand advice. This one time when he was in India...
Jordan: Stop. That's awful. This is why I have a man who's been to jail coaching me instead.
Jilane: Let's face it. Tom's in the wrong sport. Tom should be in billiards.
Jordan: Yo, did he ever acknowledge that whole "liking dudes" comment?
Jilane: Now that you mention it... No. I just assumed it was generally accepted.

Jordan: Hmm. Nice one. Guess he forgot you still have his blog password.
Jilane: Payback really is a bitch.

Monday, March 16, 2009


Jilane: Wow Tom's blog, finally I have arrived.
Tom: Thanks, just to give you the heads up sarcasm does not read well on the blog, the readers might take you seriously.
Jilane: They know.
Tom: Well being a guest commentator is a bit of an honor when you consider the commentators that proceeded you.
Jilane: George and Bruce? Yeah, two hard acts to follow. This about as hard as the time that I followed Nark at a date auction.
Tom: So now is the time that you are supposed to ask me about my run.
Jilane: Nah, I talked with Bruce and we decided to not talk about your running until he returns as the commentator. The logic is that if we condense all your running from a week into one day it might add up to a real day of training.
Tom: I am not taking Bruce back as a commentator. He wanted too high of an equity stake in the blog.
Jilane: Who are you going to replace him with?
Tom: I outsourced his job to some guy in India who has a serious gambling problem and never has anything nice to say to me. Should be a seamless transition.
Jilane: Cutting his job during a recession. Payback is a bitch.
Tom: It sure is.
Jilane: I have a horrible fungal infection and suck at life.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Blog Tour: Day 1

George: So, uh, how did the first day of the Blog Tour go?
Tom: Really well, thanks for asking.
George: Wait. You didn't run, and we're wearing matching Gap outfits. How is this a good day?
Tom: I talked to a girl.
George: That doesn't count. She beat you at Pong and gets to guest author your blog.
Tom: But I talked to a girl.
George: (Sigh.) When does she get to post?
Tom: Today. I like dudes.

Monday, March 9, 2009

My Greek Tee-Shirt

Bruce: Why are you wearing my old fraternity tee-shirt?
Tom: I am trying to integrate into the gym community.
Bruce: Remind me again how you bench pressing 45 pounds in my old fraternity tee-shirt is part of the comeback to competitive running program?
Tom: Look good, feel good; Feel good, feel healthy; Feel healthy, run healthy.
Bruce: How is it going so far?
Tom: My left achilles was bugging me yesterday so I only ran for 8 minutes.
Bruce: You know a pink sorority shirt might suit you a bit better. Remember first step: Look good.

Friday, March 6, 2009

Blog Tour

Tom: I am taking the blog on a five city tour next week.
Bruce: Which cities?
Tom: Washington, New York, Providence, Boston, Hanover.
Bruce: What is the tour's theme?
Tom: Everything will be fine in 2009.
Bruce: Aren't things buggered at the moment?
Tom: Yeah
Bruce: Worse than it was in 2008?
Tom: Yes.
Bruce: So how about this as a theme instead "It wasn't great in 2008, further decline in 2009."
Tom: Nice theme, on that note I will be having a series of guest speaker on this blog to replace you for a week. As far as running goes, I had a solid 14 minute run today. I ran 8 minutes two days earlier. I am doing a lot of gym work and playing a little basketball.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Oatmeal run

Tom: I spoke with a friend that challenged me to try to complete the couch to 5k plan from runnersworld.
Bruce: Sounds ambitious, did you accept?
Tom: No, there was far too much brisk walking involved and I do not currently have the disposable cash for hand weights or a female friend to chat without about which Ann Taylor summer dresses we should buy.
Bruce: So what is the plan instead?
Tom: I ran 8 minutes today, probably run 10 minutes on Wednesday. The achilles is quietening down but the excitement never stops.